So I've been thinking on this for a LONG time and not actually writing it...I'm temped to say lots going on, and there is, but not that much! Its really just me. Recently a friend sent me a link to a blog about raising a large family. It made me a little mad. I mean, it was really good and Godly and loads of good advice and all that but at the same time it made me feel small and guilty and petty in my choices. Not what I need right now.
I get baby sitters occasionally. I don't think it harms my children, it helps to keep me (us) sane. Just because I can't find all my fulfillment in staying at home with my family and finding time to have an 'at home' date with my husband doesn't mean I've failed as a Godly woman.
I don't know yet if I will home school. I most likely will for a while, but who knows? I can't make any promises here and I refuse to feel bad for whatever decision I make.
I have a car and I like to get out of the house! I'm so glad some people can find contentment in staying at home all day everyday but I am not one of them. Is that ok? I know it might be good for me but I don't know if it would be good for my children if I had to stay home all the time. I know here I would adjust, we would learn how to cope and function without a car but still I enjoy having one, and the freedom it gives me to take my children out into the world and to places we wouldn't see if we had to be at home.
This is mostly a vent to get out all the guilt I feel, even thought I say I don't at not being 'that' mother. I am the mother I am and I'm sure it could be a whole lot better but right now it is what it is. Not to say I'm not trying everyday to be a better mother and person, just to say that I also want to enjoy the season I'm in and the freedoms I have as a mother to do so many things, with and without my children. Like being an Election Judge and taking a Midwife Skills class and hopefully someday becoming a midwife and in so doing being a working mother. We can't all be perfect mothers but we sure can all love the children we have.
Praying you can put off the guilt, and believe that the desires in your heart are possibly longings the Lord has put there to positively impact your kiddos. You are a good mama, and there's no reason to feel shame over wanting to be alone with your husband or yourself. This wife and mommy gig is a long haul, marathon journey. Take the breaks you need and allow the Lord to sustain you along the way in this lifegiving call.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth: I believe pretty strongly that if you tried to conform to some externally-imposed shape of "motherhood" and, in order to do so, had to stifle who you really are as a human being, you would end up bitter and angry, which certainly would do your children no favors. Being free in who you are as a unique human being allows you to be the mother you are meant to be, which is the exact best mother Madeline and Justus need. Maybe those things work for some other mothers, but Madeline and Justus need you as their mom, not some other mother God didn't give them.
ReplyDeletethanks for the encouragement ladies! I know you're right; it just doesn't feel like it everyday! I really need to stop reading supermom blogs!
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