yelling...

Sometimes I get so angry with my kids.  Never my proudest moments, but we mothers are only human right?  Please tell me you agreed with that!  So what do you do?  how do you stay calm and in control?  Should you?

I don't mean that in a 'should you get all rage on your kids' kinda way but is it ok to get angry and express it?  Anger is a normal human emotion, one we all have to deal with, one we need to learn to control and channel.

So I'm leaning toward, anger is ok to express but it needs to be righteous anger.  Justified and expressed well.  I don't always get this right, I know, but I am learning to recognize quickly when I am being irrationally angry.  That doesn't always mean right now that I catch it in time but learning to express anger right takes a little time and practice!

Ephesians 4:26
BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
(the whole context is good, check it out! http://nasb.scripturetext.com/ephesians/4.htm)

One of my favorite authors, Madeleine L'Engle talks in her autobiography about her relationship with her husband.  She said one of the things they both had was a temper.  They yelled a lot, got angry and yelled.  For them she said that is was actually the best way of dealing with their anger, it got it out, in the open and spent.  Then they could move on.  Maybe this isn't your style, but the point is I think to get it out an deal with it.  Not hold it in until it turns into something bigger and nastier.

“Anger is not bitterness. Bitterness can go on eating at a man's heart and mind forever. Anger spends itself in its own time.” 
― Madeleine L'Engle, A Swiftly Tilting Planet

So go ahead an yell a little, just don't forget to say your sorry, kiss and move on.

I am learning to ask my kids for forgiveness a lot...maybe this will help with the therapy bill in the future :)

Adoption

We want to adopt.

This post will not be about all the reasons, that will come later but this one is to ask for your help.

We have looked at agency's and have started to go into the process with one but as I have been praying and thinking about it, I would like to ask for your help to do a direct adoption.

If everyone I know would re-post this on their facebook page I think it can be done!  We are looking for a newborn preferably, but not only, and want to be open to any race, creed and health issues.   We would love to be able to keep in contact with the mother through pictures and letters and whatever works for both of us.  We are willing to travel within the US.  

It takes a village to raise a child, and sometimes to help adopt one.  Please be our village!

Thank you!

Matt & Mya, Madeleine & Justus Burgoon

We can be contacted directly at ninerussianspys@hotmail.com or
704-258-8439

Long Pause

So I've been thinking on this for a LONG time and not actually writing it...I'm temped to say lots going on, and there is, but not that much!  Its really just me.

Recently a friend sent me a link to a blog about raising a large family.  It made me a little mad.  I mean, it was really good and Godly and loads of good advice and all that but at the same time it made me feel small and guilty and petty in my choices.  Not what I need right now.

I get baby sitters occasionally.  I don't think it harms my children, it helps to keep me (us) sane.  Just because I can't find all my fulfillment in staying at home with my family and finding time to have an 'at home' date with my husband doesn't mean I've failed as a Godly woman.

I don't know yet if I will home school.  I most likely will for a while, but who knows?  I can't make any promises here and I refuse to feel bad for whatever decision I make.

I have a car and I like to get out of the house!  I'm so glad some people can find contentment in staying at home all day everyday but I am not one of them.  Is that ok?  I know it might be good for me but I don't know if it would be good for my children if I had to stay home all the time.  I know here I would adjust, we would learn how to cope and function without a car but still I enjoy having one, and the freedom it gives me to take my children out into the world and to places we wouldn't see if we had to be at home.

This is mostly a vent to get out all the guilt I feel, even thought I say I don't at not being 'that' mother.  I am the mother I am and I'm sure it could be a whole lot better but right now it is what it is.  Not to say I'm not trying everyday to be a better mother and person, just to say that I also want to enjoy the season I'm in and the freedoms I have as a mother to do so many things, with and without my children.  Like being an Election Judge and taking a Midwife Skills class and hopefully someday becoming a midwife and in so doing being a working mother.  We can't all be perfect mothers but we sure can all love the children we have.

Seedless Watermelon

A friend gave us a watermelon from their garden yesterday, along with squash and eggplant and 5 1/2 lbs of blueberries I picked and 3 lbs of crab apples.  I love these people.  They have land, fruit and are happy to share.  Figs are still to come.

I cut open this watermelon this morning and as nature intended it has seeds.  Its been a while since I had a seeded watermelon.  I think they only sell seedless in the stores anymore!  I've always had a bit of a beef with seedless watermelon.  There is something wrong about a  fruit without seeds.  How can it reproduce?  Where do the next generation come from if there is no seeds?  They sure are easy to eat though.  So you'd think I'd rejoice in my real watermelon this morning!  As I stood there cutting it into small pieces and picking out endless seeds I was thinking 'this is a lot of work, why am I doing this?'  Oh yeah.  Because I saw it being picked yesterday.  

I grew up eating watermelon with seeds,  picking up a piece and taking a bite and spitting out seeds.  I never liked it much but that was mostly because I think it doesn't have much flavor.  Seeds were just part of the ritual of watermelon.  My kids are a little young however to police their own seeds so I stood and picked them all out.  In a few years I can toss caution to the wind and let them spit.  That will be nice.  Until then I need to just keep my complaining to myself and remember that love is picking out watermelon seeds for your baby.  Because watermelons are meant to have seeds.

Making Blueberry All-Fruit

Summer is canning season.  Jam, jelly, pickles...I like canning.  There is something so satisfying about seeing that line of beautiful jars after you take them out of the hot water bath and hear that little 'pop'  I like knowing what is in the jam I feed my kids all year and having great gifts for family and friends at hand anytime.

So last week a friend and I braved the chiggers and picked blueberries at another friends house.  They have these massive blueberry bushes that I have been picking at for years.  Yes I got chiggers.  Yes it was worth it to have a good stock of Jam.  Yes I will be heading back to stock my freezer with frozen blueberries for muffins and pancakes through the winter.

Picking blueberries with children is a little bit of an endeavor.  Madeleine, my 2 year old eats and eats and has a grand time.  Justus who is 10 months chases the dog and then cries to be held.  I wear him in the Ergo and try to pick as fast as I can.   This is generally how life works anyhow.  I decided to make all-fruit after the kids went to bed.  Less whiny that way.

So, I have recently discovered Pomonas Universal Pectin.  I love love love it!  With it I can make jam with anything.  I can add as much or as little sugar as i want.  I can make jam with honey.  I can do pretty much as I want with jam.  They have great all-fruit recipes in the packet that I used to make the blueberry jam.  So all that is in it is blueberries, grape juice and lemon juice.  Perfect.  

I got tired of making lots of tiny jars and just made pints this time, with a few small jars for gifts...

Into the water bath for 5 min....

Oh I love how easy jam is...

Avoidance

I am a really good avoider.  I avoid doing housework by checking my email.  I avoid doing dishes by checking Facebook.  I avoid going to bed by reading a book.  I avoid playing with my kids by hitting refresh just in case another email has arrived!  

Some days I simply just try to avoid life.  Not my best days.  So how to embrace my now?

I think sometimes I think that by avoiding I will get something better.  If I wait long enough, the dishes will get done and my kids will suddenly decide to amuse themselves and we'll all be happy.   Yeah right.

In reality I know that if I decided to just stop avoiding, we would all be happier.  Things would get done on time, I wouldn't be frustrated by a pile of work that I've let build up, and my kids would not have to whine to get my attention because I was trying to avoid my responsibilities as a mother.

So now what...

Schedule.  Do not wait.  Plan ahead.  Enjoy my children in all their many facets.  (crying and smiling!)  Stop checking my email 10 times a day just on the chance something exciting has happened...

Killing Chickens

We recently killed off the meat birds we have been raising this spring and as I stood over one that I roasted the other day and picked its bones, I contemplated my relationship with it.  I had seem that chicken from tiny chick to meat on my table.  Not an experience most people have today.  I felt good about it.  My husband, who did the killing, felt a little more ambivalent.  I might have too if I had had to go out and kill it first.  Maybe next time I should make myself do this part too.

I was a vegetarian for quite a few years until I discovered local meat, well raised.  Them I could justify eating it.  We are now taking that one step further and going truly local with our chicken.  Our back yard.  It makes one appreciate that chicken is not all boneless skinless breasts and that it takes some work to kill and clean and cook a chicken.  I more and more like that feeling.  Thank you chicken!